Verifying a proposal: a practical checklist

Verification sounds adversarial and is not. Both families are doing it. Doing it openly and methodically is faster and less awkward than the alternative, which is finding out slowly through rumour.

Identity. Full name as on CNIC, date of birth, father's name and permanent address. NADRA's verification services confirm that a CNIC number corresponds to the details given. Take a photograph of the CNIC rather than a number read aloud.

Marital status. This is the check most often skipped and most often needed. Ask directly whether there is a current or previous marriage. For a divorce, ask for the Union Council divorce certificate. For a second marriage, ask for the Arbitration Council permission required under the Muslim Family Laws Ordinance 1961. Documents, not assurances.

Employment. Get the employer's full name and location. Call the organisation's published switchboard, not a number the family supplied, and confirm the person works there in the role stated. For a business, ask for the registration and check it. For overseas employment, the employment contract or a recent payslip.

Residency abroad. Ask to see the visa page, residence card or passport on a live video call, held by the person concerned. Photographs of documents are trivially faked; a live call with the document in hand is not.

Education. Degree certificates are easy to ask for and easy to provide. The HEC attestation record settles Pakistani degrees.

Health. Thalassaemia carrier screening is inexpensive, widely available and increasingly routine, particularly where the families are related. Discuss it as a joint step both sides take, not as a demand.

References. Two people who are not immediate family. A neighbour, a colleague, a family friend. Speak to them yourself. Ask open questions rather than questions that invite a yes.

The home visit. Visit the family home. Meet the mother and the siblings. A family that only ever meets you at restaurants and hotels is managing your impression of them.

Online. Reverse image search on any photograph you receive privately. Search the name and city. Absence of an online presence proves nothing; a contradictory one proves a great deal.

The pause. Having gathered all of it, wait two weeks before deciding. Nothing genuine is lost in two weeks, and pressure not to take them is itself information.

On our own service. We confirm one thing: that a member controls the email address they registered with. We do not check identity documents, employment or marital status, and we will not pretend otherwise with a badge. Every check above remains yours to do.